I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
