I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
