They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
