She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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