based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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