allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
