I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
