Umm I'm too high to move.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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