i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
