He had one of those small greek statue penises
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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