You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
