i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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