I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
