Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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