just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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