dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
