I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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