It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
