Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His nipple licking is glorious
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