I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
