we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
