Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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