The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made out with two different species that night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
