so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
