I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
