I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
