Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
