I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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