once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
