I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
