so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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