Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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