I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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