bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You made out with two different species that night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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