My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
