somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize