the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
