He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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