I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
