Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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