If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
