She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
