I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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