I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
