filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
