i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
