So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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