1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
