he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
