We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
