When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
pray to the hookup gods
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
