Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
