how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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