i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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