it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
