You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go christen that room with your naked body.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
