Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
