So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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