Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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