HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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