I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
