i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
