Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
