Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
