you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
