tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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