Porn is love you can see.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
BRING THE BAGELS
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
