He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
