hell yes lets make some ravioli
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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