I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
