I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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