Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
