How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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