toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
