Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just blew my weed a kiss
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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