bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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