While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
