i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
